fondofapples | Inbox -- Genessia

Regina Mills
~~Queen~~ ~~Mayor~~ Mother
Sorceress
Fond of Plants

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(text, voice, video, action, ooc planning if necessary for Genessia only)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

fondofapples

Her jaw ached from the strain of biting down on the tears, not so much trying to stop them as just slow them enough to keep from choking on the sobs and nauseating herself with it. Her face hurt from the pressure in her sinuses when she nodded, acknowledging him.

"It's all right, Neil," she managed to say and hugged him tighter in gratitude for him trying to comfort her now. "I'm okay. I needed to be with you, for both of us. I just..." She rubbed her face against his shoulder, scrubbing away tears without letting go of him. "Missed you. Needed you, because you're who I talk to when I'm scared. Don't feel guilty, please. I'm just...catching up with you." And processing her own feelings.

From:

hellorhighwater

"Too late for the guilty thing." he deadpanned, kissing the top of her head as she pressed her face into his shoulder to wipe away her tears. "And don't say I shouldn't feel that way: I fucked up. Got complacent and I missed all the signs. So I ended up springing this shit on you...I got sloppy."

He shook his head, holding her a little tighter and staring into nothing with his nose pressed against her hair with a sigh, still berating himself for the whole thing.

"I thought I was safe, and I lost a whole day I could've spent makin' this easier on you." The one thing he promised he'd never do, the one thing he swore he'd never do when the Night Dragon made him his personal guard: he'd assumed everything was going to be fine.

And every time in his life Neil thought he was safe, the world bit back to remind him otherwise. Maybe this really was punishment from the Sky Maker--a reminder that his life wasn't meant to last, that every second for a human wielding dragon fire was borrowed time.

From:

fondofapples

"Easier on me?" she demanded, anger flaring beneath the tears and she pulled one hand free to smack him. "Easier on me?" she repeated angrily. "I'm not the one who spent the last three days trying to die every ten minutes."

The tears started to wane and she scrubbed them away with the back of her hand she'd swatted him with. "How do you think you were going to make this easier on me? And if you're even thinking 'by not telling you,' you can sleep on the couch for a month."

More even than that, if he tried to do this without her ever, she would unleash the kind of hellish fury he only imagined she might be capable of.

From:

hellorhighwater

...which, of course, was exactly what he'd been thinking, but now wasn't the time to admit to a goddamn thing. Maybe not ever.

"By talkin' you through more of it." he replied instead, praying he could dodge that bullet--since he hadn't been able to dodge or block her blow in his present state. "Help you talk to the kids in advance, give you a better rundown of Rueni, shit like that."

Narrowing his eyes, he caught the hand she smacked him with and roughly meshed his fingers with hers.

"And don't fuckin' hit me, it ain't like I'm conspiring to die in the slowest, most pathetic way possible." he growled, bringing their joined hands to his lips so he could kiss her fingers before he pulled her closer, huffing testily as he pressed his face against the top of her head, an annoyed string of muttering in the dragon tongue half muffled by her hair.

From:

fondofapples

Too exhausted to listen for deception, too hurt to want to known if he truly thought it would've been easier, Regina accepted what he told her. Instead of arguing more, she collapsed again into him. "M'not hitting you. I'm trying to knock some sense into you," she muttered, voice still rough and achy from crying so hard.

She tucked her head again, put her nose and lips against his neck to feel his pulse while he warmed her. Time passed, she didn't know how much, since she drifted on the warmth and sense of safety that came with being in his arms, but at some point, a thought surfaced.

"Why did you give the Sky Maker your name?"

From:

hellorhighwater

Neil didn't answer for a long time--simply lay there, nose pressed to the top of Regina's head, her hand still caught in his with his thumb drifting back and forth over hers as he held on. He stayed silent long enough that it might have seemed he wasn't going to respond, that he had chosen silence instead of any explanation...

"Same reason you thought I needed to give him yours." he replied quietly after a moment. "But I didn't--I didn't ask him to come for me, I just...I gave him my darkness. I thought I needed to--and I did need to. I fucked up bad enough to remind you of your mother, I needed to."

He paused, frowning a little as he lifted his head and drew back just enough to look down into her face with some confusion.

"But...Regina, how'd you know I gave him my name?"

From:

fondofapples

Still and quiet, pressed close to his renewed warmth without concern for how sticky he was or how clammy she must feel to him as they were well beyond that now, she simply waited, drifting, for him to answer her. There would be time to push later, if he chose not to answer.

She had no idea how long it took for him to answer, but when he did, her head popped up fast enough to nearly catch him in the chin. Her weary gaze narrowed, brows drew together, in marked confusion. "When did you...?" Slowed to molasses and just as thick, her thoughts dragged when she tried to recall what he meant. It was some few minutes before she came up with a night on the patio, the night he'd told her about the ritual.

Deep in her gut, anger churned, but she lacked the will or the energy to vent it. Instead, she sighed quietly and shook her head. "It was one time. A few words. You made a mistake, Neil, and I forgave you as soon as you apologized."

If she'd heard his question, she'd forgotten it by the time she answered him.

From:

hellorhighwater

Of course she forgave him--she could forgive anything. It wasn't faith in her goodness or naivete that made him so certain, but her darkness: she'd done the unspeakable, so she understood it...so of course she could forgive it.

Yet she'd said it herself, more than once: she had to hold herself to a standard or she'd slip. He'd heard that, knew penance needed to be paid if he was going to follow her on this path to redemption--he just didn't understand it well enough yet to articulate that soul-deep shame he felt, how far he would go to keep his heart in her hands, how long he would follow her into light or dark...how badly he wanted this thing he could finally see in front of him without a beating heart to distract him.

"I didn't forgive myself." he replied simply, shaking his head and sliding a hand along her cheek to cup her face as he looked into her eyes, something else stirring in the back of his head, not a memory and not quite a dream, just a nagging sense of...

"Regina: how did you know?" he repeated softly.

From:

fondofapples

I didn't forgive myself.

That she understood even with her thoughts as slow and stretched thin as they were. She lifted her cold-chafed lips to his and kissed him once in acquiescence and benediction. "As long as you know, it was a minor offense," she whispered against his lips, already drifting away again.

The softly urgent question pierced her consciousness, drawing her back to him. She blinked and tilted her head, gaze narrowing while she tried to remember what he was asking about. A moment passed and then another, and then-- "Oh." She ducked her head and shrugged. "You thought I was the Sun Goddess. I... let you believe it, so I could get you to drink and you kept talking, confessing..."

From:

hellorhighwater

He didn't remember it, not really. Neither memory nor dream, his fever was filled with long stretches of nothing, of dark and dim and pain...and when he was able, when he had strength enough to think and to understand, he prayed.

In all his other fevers, he had prayed to the Sky Maker for the strength and fortitude he would need to fight, to survive. This time, he had turned not to the one he asked to purge his darkness. He'd been too afraid of tempting him in his weakened state, that he would not survive his penance...so he had turned to the Sun Goddess instead.

He'd prayed for the will to live--to be filled with her light, so he could survive his penance from her Sky Maker. He knew more than remembered, and he knew there had been peace in the wake of prayer--the stillness and certainty of being heard, a pleasant respite from his suffering.

His urgency and confusion left him, letting him relax with a soft smile as he bent to kiss her softly.

"Good." he replied simply, tucking her head underneath his chin. "S'all good." He paused, and not knowing if she was still awake to hear it...

"You were right where she needed you to be."

The more he thought about it, the more sense it made--the better it fit. Yes, it was fitting--the Sky Maker came for him through the ravages of fever, and when he prayed to give his name to the Sun Goddess, the source of all light, his prayers would reach Regina instead.

The greatest source of light he had ever known.

From:

fondofapples

Neil tucked her in with his over hers and his voice sounded okay, happy, pleased, not mad.

"I'm glad it's okay," she murmured, voice fading as she drifted into much-needed sleep. "I didn't know... Just wanted... needed you to keep on..." Drinking... I love you, Neil...